Momspeak by Pooja Pande

Author:Pooja Pande [Pande, Pooja]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780143497783
Publisher: Penguin Random House India Private Limited
Published: 2020-04-22T00:00:00+00:00

I’m a Mum! It’s How I Introduce Myself

Sarita, forty, mother to Noor, eight, and Amay, five

I think I’m mothering so many people at this stage of my life besides my children. My parents are in their eighties now, and my mum just got out of the hospital, she needs a lot of care. My dad-in-law, when my mom-in-law isn’t around, he needs attention. My husband can be quite a baby sometimes. My sister-in-law who lives with us, especially if my mom-in-law isn’t around, I’m the one calling her if she’s late and stuff.

The mothering blueprint for me has essentially been my mother and my dadi. My oldest and fondest memories of my mother are of her as a teacher, when I was in Class II. She would do a lot of work with us at home, and I used to enjoy that. Dadi would come over very often to help out, with Dad’s travelling and army postings. She’d be very invested in making sure we were learning to fend for ourselves. My mum, I think back now, had started ailing then, and had started slowing down on a few things—by the time I was in Class VI maybe—and my siblings and I, the three of us as a unit, had started taking care of her, in some sense. My dadi would be in the kitchen, we’d be in there with her—that’s how we were learning—she would emphasize the importance of being self-sufficient. Learn how to cook, make your beds, clean up after yourself. She’s an inspiring woman. Came after Partition, raised five children. Dada passed away early enough, and I don’t think [he] helped around much. I think she pretty much did everything on her own. Even today, she’s ninety-eight, and is absolutely independent.

So, I feel the teaching bit in me comes from my mum. My children often end up calling me Ma’am; my son even told me recently that I should have been a teacher! And this instilling of independence in the children comes from Dadi. I’m very disciplined about some things. Everyone tells me to ease off on them, they’re little, but for me, it’s important. Also, since I’m the only one taking care of them mostly, they need to help me out on that front. Maybe I am too hard, but as a result of it, my daughter is totally independent. She’s eight, but I feel she’s a teenager already. When I travel with the kids, just me and them, she’s my partner on board. She helps me out with everything she can. Even at home, like when Amay was ill recently. One day, she came back from school and told me, ‘So, I’ve asked in the bus. We can put ice packs on him if the fever’s too high.’ Our paediatrician even calls her a little dadi amma! I feel like in the long run, maybe this will all pay off.

I’ve always had an imagination of motherhood, in that I’ve been certain of it, of being one.

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